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sunday night i skipped dance classes after tuition to chill out.beep went my phone and i opened the inbox to see Hui Ling's message."hi dear,do check online to see if u have received the email confirmation for NUS."without further ado, i lunged forward for my lappie(exaggerates*) and opened hotmail.my heart sank when there were no signs.Dear tried to console me and I smiled to hide my disappointment.As i sent him home i suddenly stopped and opened the NUS website to see.To this day i still can't believe what i saw.I WAS ACCEPTED.YES!for two years,i have been praying, drawing, crying for all the things i hate in this world.how much i was forced into studying stuff i didn't like,how i didn't get into NAFA cos my parents didn't allow me to.ahh...how deprived and restricted life was then.So i inexorably placed this choice so i could stop muttering nonsense and putting blames on others.cos this is the path i want.no one influenced me and no one can stop me.i have decided what's left in my brain at this point of time has led me to a labyrinth where there is only one exit in the end.so no matter what happens,make it or break it.since i gt thru i will do it no matter how dire the outcome are.heck and fuck it.i guess i love challenges so much i have geared myself up for it during the 6 yrs preparation.: )Thanks everyone for your support and love anyway.
on the side note...
The phase of love
i opened my hotmail today and finally cleared my burgeoning amount of mails.opened and saw his,kenny's and jz ones.it made me realise how fragile love is .how guys are good liars.masters of deception maybe.it reminds me of how i used to hate guys when i was young(primary school?),never failing to feel the need to beat them in everything i do.in primary sch i was always top in class,and so was i in sec sch too.i got motivated whenever a guy is in a position ahead of me or when he runs faster than me.i never wanted to lose.never wanted a chauvinist or a masculine to override my feline's threshold.So relationships were nothing but mind games and accusations for me.in 2007, i lost terribly in the 'game' and wrath just adds on to this complex cycle like how dirt accumulates in the pipes of your house.i was completely numb and nothing ever felt the same anymore.in 2009, i met this boy.i was 19 and he was 18.the last thing on my mind was a relationship.to me,its all about games and schemes.plots that went unscath, silhouettes that weave thru the darkest corner on earth.why?cos in my eyes, guys are nothing but peas on the plate.not satisfying to the palate and definitely something not worth looking at.so when i really got him on the hook.i felt great wave of satisfaction having to toy with another one.after all these yrs,i laugh at sad operas and mock at death.my heart was completely broken by fornication and lies.but he changed me.though i am not completely changed, body and soul still wroughted by cold steel,he moved me.his sincerity was irrevocable so much so it humbled me.tears of joy flowed through my eyes that night as we hugged each other...i felt cherry blossoms blooming in those wilted leaves of mine.i thought, is this for real?is this another deception?i recalled the book 'redeeming love' and i felt like the prostitute.i should be flogged but god saved me.i hope this would be the gift of my life and i cherish every care and concern given.for what 's may be mine might be gone in a second.
